


The Sun In His Eyes

by VixxFixxion



Category: STARLIGHT - Fandom, VIXX
Genre: Canon, Consent, Fellatio, Frottage, M/M, Masturbation, NSFW, PWP, Rimming, Smut, blowjob, love interest is unaware
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22223755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VixxFixxion/pseuds/VixxFixxion
Summary: Hyuk is sad that all he is to Taekwoon is "his little Hyoggie"But once they get past that hurdle, Taekwoon finds that while Hyuk is giant, he's still the baby giant.
Relationships: Leo / Hyuk, Sanghyuk/Taekwoon, han sanghyuk / jung taekwoon, leohyuk - Relationship, luck - Relationship, vixx leo / vixx hyuk
Comments: 11
Kudos: 65





	The Sun In His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Vixx members, i have sinned. please don't ever find this. please forgive me - but i may never stop.
> 
> Why is writing these getting harder and harder. I am cringeing and loving it at the same time.
> 
> Am on twitter sometimes @vfixxion
> 
> I love comments, please feel free to leave them:)
> 
> There is now a Part Two - How Sweet He Is.

Taekwoon answered his phone in a rush.

“Cha Hakyeon,” he murmured, checking his hair in the mirror. It looked good, and he really didn’t want to have to flatten it under a beanie yet again.

“Buy me a Hyukkie album and get it signed,” Hakyeon’s voice, intimate and husky over the phone, made him smile.

“You have to work on the pillow talk, this will never do.”

Hakyeon laughed a quiet little laugh.

“I’m at the barracks and we’re about to go for our showers,” he murmured.

“Why don’t you just ask Hyoggie to send one to you?” Taekwoon asked, jamming the beanie on his head and adjusting it back and forth to hide his hair. Further back on his head or further forward over his eyes? He huffed and turned towards the door, his backpack and keys on him already. As he left the flat, he let the door slam behind him.

“This way you have to see him and I know if I didn’t devise these elaborate schemes you all would just lose touch with one another and forget what everyone looks like,” he could hear Hakyeon’s smile in his voice.

“l guess it works because I still remember you despite all attempts to forget,” Taekwoon chirped as he loped down the stairs situated next to the lift lobby.

“Well, that doesn’t get old,” Hakyeon drawled.

“When will you next be in Seoul?” Taekwoon asked, his footsteps echoing in the stairwell.

“Couple of weeks. We must have dinner. I want Hyoggie pictures. And that album!”

Taekwoon laughed, made his promises and rang off as he put on some dollar-store sunglasses and flipped the end of his scarf over his shoulder. As he burst out of the stairwell directly onto the street, he turned to make sure the door closed, locked, behind him.

Much as he adored his freedom to walk unhindered by an entourage or fans, he loved his privacy more, and he didn’t want to compromise that.

With a quick look around, he set off down the wide alley with its tiny kiosks and cafe windows, and slipped into the foot traffic on the main road with ease.

He approached the bus station a few metres down the street, and leaned against the edge of one of its ads, scrolling through his phone to find Hyuk’s number as he plugged in his headphones, opting not to use his ear pods so as to not draw any more attention than necessary.

“Hyung,” Hyuk’s tone was always either amused, or utterly bored. Today, he was pleased to hear the smile in Hyuk’s voice.

“Let’s have lunch, bring your butterfly album,” Taekwoon said, chuckling.

“Yeah, I already got a message from Hakyeon Hyung,” Hyuk giggled. “The thing is, I’m at home expecting Nayeon Noona, so you have to come here.”

“No, come see me at work and we can pretend to not be idols together at that eel stew place you said you would take me to,” Taekwoon smiled as he looked down at his phone for a moment. He had saved Hyuk as “our Hyukkie”, and he looked at it affectionately.

Hyuk’s tone took on the amused, weary tone of a tired parent.

“No, that was the place you told me I had to take you to because you didn’t want to go there alone asking for eel stew and then maybe being recognised by the aunty owner there,” he explained patiently.

“Eel stew is good for vigour, and you know how exhausted I get, little Hyoggie,” Taekwoon was smiling idiotically at his phone now.

“Hyung, don’t be shy about these things, you can order an eel stew and eat it on your own without the aunty owner thinking you need help in that department!” Hyuk laughed, and in an instant Taekwoon could see his little laugh lines crinkling over his cheeks, in his mind.

“No, that’s for big confident boys like you to do on your own, not me,” Taekwoon chuckled, laughing a little when he heard Hyuk cringing out loud on the other end.

“All right, all right, I’ll be there at noon-“

“Pick me up-“

“I’ll meet you there, hanging up now!” Hyuk hung up before Taekwoon could say anything else, which made him giggle as he slipped his phone into his pocket. The bus came and he hopped on, striding to the back of it and finding an empty seat.

He found that people might notice his height, or maybe meet his gaze, but most bus riders were seniors or people who enjoyed the view, or didn’t mind standing in a rocking vehicle and jostling against each other. In the six weeks that he had been in service, not one person on the bus had clocked him for an idol, or for Leo, for that matter. He liked that he could travel this way, enjoyed watching his surroundings, and engaging in the social dynamics of strangers in small spaces, sometimes forced to be quite intimate in proximity.

He would choose between a mask or sunglasses, but found that hiding his fringe was the best way to remain incognito. That, or letting his naturally straight, limp hair hang unstyled, and uncovered, over his eyes.

A government officer’s slacks were never of elasticated fabric, skinny or detailed, and unless someone watched his gait long enough, it would be hard to tell who he was just from a regular glance. And because there were still some elements of military monitoring to his schedule, he tended to carry himself smartly - which he thought was unlike his idol slouchy louche-chic persona.

He fit into obscurity rather well, and liked it.

He had met up with the various members individually now and then during his lunch hour, and sometimes derived great pleasure from sidling right up to them and having them suddenly realise it was him after a few moments.

When he met them in the evening or on the weekend, they would mutter with relief that he had dressed up a little and arrived in a car.

It pleased him no end to befuddle them in this way.

However, he had yet to visit with Hyoggie, who had been busy with his fanmeets and musical rehearsals for the better part of the holidays. It was only now, after the festivities were over, that his schedule had settled, and they had made promises to have lunch in the city.

Taekwoon got off at his stop and crossed the street, walking into an archive facility which serviced City Hall’s registrations and lodgments sections in practically every department - and as a filing clerk, he was thankful that he simply had to make sure that whatever from landed on his desk, was filed correctly. He didn’t need to know what form was for what, just where it should go - and to know that, all he had to do was scan the barcode on each form and follow the pathways set out therein.

He knew his place here was temporary, and that he might possibly be placed elsewhere, perhaps more or less administrative, depending on his performance reviews and the needs of the state.

He rather hoped he would be placed in a school, or some remote outpost where he could be used as a coach or trainer - in youth camps or exercise facilities.

Although he loved his idol life and wouldn’t give it up willingly, there was something rather small and closed-minded about it. It was like playing at society ranking, on a weird public and global stage. So many little things mattered, in a game whose only really meaning was in popularity and profits - everything else, was a bonus, a blessing, and he knew for some people, a curse.

He had enjoyed aspects of mentoring in the heirarchies of their group and their company, and liked that theirs was a more casual, friendly work ethic than others. An extra bonus was that the whole bunch of his company were sentimental old souls, which suited him nicely.

And whilst his own limitations had prevented him from falling into the role of the friendly hyung with ease at first, he had taken on his role of older brother seriously, loving the idea that he could be something other than the baby of the family.

Besides his father, he was the only man in his family, and he enjoyed the possibilities that his responsibility gave him.

However, he found that his true nature also included a delight in being coddled and and spoiled, and it was this part of him that enabled him to slip into closeness with Hakyeon, who had taken a personal interest as leader, in making sure Taekwoon Was Alright.

It didn’t take too long for him to reconcile these two aspects of his character, and to find that he could even enjoy being made fun of for them - in fact, he realised he loved (and the fans loved) how silly he could be. How petty, petulant and soft.

To a certain degree, playing off that flip in his character against Hyuk’s own development had become a special sort of dynamic within the group - because of Hyuk’s initial guileless expression of fear of him.

Perhaps it had been played up a little for the sake of the programme they were on, but it did colour people’s perception of on-camera Leo for a long time - and perhaps added to his own fears of breaking free of that old persona. How did one let one’s silliness show through, without losing one’s dignity and intensity at the same time?

He knew he was bankable because of his onstage intensity - and it was hard to let that go, fearing that it was his only strength outside of his talent.

Taekwoon smirked at himself as he shed his outer layers and settled at his desk. How little faith he had had in himself.

It had taken him time, but he had finally figured out how to just be, and that he would be acceptable, loveable, as he was.

And he had enjoyed playing around with Hyuk with regard to those shifts in dynamic. When Wonsik had finally put a word to their experience of Hyuk - and they had realised how much dominion over them he seemed to possess - he had slipped easily into the role of prey and victim to Hyuk’s indifferent sort of resistance, and physical bulk.

Taekwoon laughed, remembering moments when Hyuk would play along with him pretending to have his hand crushed by his coincidental grasp, or turn a gentle accidental bump into a bone-crushing onslaught.

He delighted in Hyuk’s deadpan responses, and saw how his own appeal increased because it was such a contrast to his earlier stoicism and physicality.

There was no denying that of all of them Hyuk was the superior bulkonator. Taekwoon’s own light-boned muscularity was no comparison at all, and he thought even Wonsik’s body building and muscle density could not compare either.

Hyuk didn’t pay any particular attention to his body to bulk up per se, he was just overall, a large boy. And whilst he was less defined in musculature than Taekwoon, Hongbin or Wonsik, he was certainly strong and had supreme control over his centre of gravity, something which Taekwoon admired and envied in any tall boy. It signalled an awareness of his personal kinetic energy, and how it related to others.

Taekwoon wondered solemnly, if he could take down Hyuk in a wrestling match. He knew that he could put up a good fight against Hyuk, but that ultimately, Hyuk could simply lift him off the ground and flop him onto his back. All he had to do was stay upright until Taekwoon tired himself out trying to unbalance him.

Every now and then Taekwoon would get a taste of what it felt like to be the littlest kid again, when Hyuk would lift him off his feet or completely engulf him in some body grapple or other. Taekwoon supposed it appealed to his nostalgia about being the baby of the family, to be small and easily moved around. He liked that it gave him a sense of security, after so long being the tallest, most serious, oldest, and most responsible.

As he greeted his co-workers who were coming in, Taekwoon realised that he was looking forward to seeing Hyuk very much today.

**

Sanghyuk rubbed at his wet hair and shook it out, dropping his towel onto the back of a chair at the dining table as he hurried over to the doorcam to see who was at the door. He was pleased to see the delivery he was expecting had come early, and opened the door to sign for the outfits their stylist had sent over for him to try on before she dropped by later in the week with the tailor.

He opened the hall cupboard and hung them as they were, still encased in suit bags, trotting back to his bedroom to finish getting ready.

As he pulled on a long sleeved tee and found himself an oversized fleece jumper, he reminded himself of the small stack of albums he had put in a carry bag, ready to be taken and handed over to Taekwoon at lunch today.

He felt a little like he was dressing to meet an old school teacher after a long time, a little excited to show off what he had achieved since the last time he had been at school.

A teacher who was proud of him, and loved him despite his rather cool, indifferent attitude.

A teacher he might have secretly been in awe of for the longest time.

Hyuk remembered how it felt, supplanting older, more senior trainees who had slogged alongside his hyungs for so much longer than he. He remembered he would rather face Hakyeon’s nagging and scolding than have to endure even a glance from the most forbidding of them, Taekwoon.

He also remembered being bewildered when he couldn’t for the life of him, figure out why Taekwoon, who had taken it upon himself to look out for Hyuk in the studio, rehearsing their dance and vocals, would not accept his friendly advances once they left the building. Back at the dorm, Taekwoon seemed unapproachable, formidable, Saturnian. Hyuk felt resigned to being constantly reminded of how he had somehow, taken someone else’s rightful place - and that he was being made to pay for it by never really being accepted into their circle outside of their professional arrangement.

He supposed it was Jaehwan and Wonsik whom he felt most comfortable with at first, but they seemed to gravitate towards each other or get stuck with Hakyeon by virtue of being the most enthusiastic in group dynamics. Hakyeon was also welcoming, but distracted by being into everyone’s business.

Hyuk felt diminished by his littleness. He was new, was even clunkier a dancer than Jaehwan, couldn’t be trusted with his vocals on stage, and felt like he didn’t quite fit the maknae role. How could he think of himself as adorable if he had just upset the status quo - and the rest had lost dear friends in the group?

Then one day, as they waited in the summer heat for some camera shot to get set up while they were shooting in a park by the river, he sensed a presence near him and turned to find Taekwoon sipping on a box drink, kicking at a tuft in the grass by the public-use basketball court where they were shooting.

With a deferential nod, he turned to face him, wondering whether he should start a conversation. Taekwoon seemed to be the type of person who enjoyed conservative social norms, seeing as he liked to play the hyung card so heavy-handedly sometimes.

“You play sports?” Taekwoon seemed to bite out through his teeth clenched over the straw.

He looked like a crazy-eyed thug, his bald eyebrows and new buzzcut positively frightening to Hyuk.

“Swimming. A bit of basketball.”

Taekwoon stared down at his skinny ankles, and Hyuk felt decidedly self-conscious of how thin his lower legs were, peeping out of his long shorts.

“You look a bit under-developed for a swimmer,” Taekwoon murmured, barely making any soundwaves as his lips pursed around his chewed up straw. He was terrifying.

Hyuk tittered out of nervousness, unsure of what to say to Taekwoon, the resident sports hero.

“Nothing competitive,” he muttered, feeling like slinking away.

He was surprised to see Taekwoon swing the leg he was kicking at the tuft with over to him, to knock against the heel of his shoe.

“We’ll go to the park near the office together one day,” Taekwoon said firmly.

Hyuk was confounded. The suggestion sounded kind of like a threat.

“There is no exercise equipment at the park near our office,” Hyuk said, timidly. It was a little park dedicated to an activitist and had little more than a circular jogging trail. While it was pretty and well-patronised, it was no good for fitness enthusiasts.

Taekwoon squinted at him, and he felt himself go cold. He finished sucking on his box drink and turned, flipping it expertly into a bin behind him. Then, with one last disdainful look at him, he walked off.

Hyuk spent the next few days fearful that he would be called upon to go hang at the park with Taekwoon, alone, and he tried to sound out, with Jaehwan and Hongbin, what Taekwoon could possibly have meant .

Hongbin, who had seemed surly and irritable at first, had soon become one of his happiest friends, and they enjoyed hanging out over games and fancafe stuff. Hongbin was absolutely sure Taekwoon meant to force Hyuk to spot him or something during training.

“He’s gonna make you watch his form while he shows off his moves to all the old ladies in the park,” Hongbin said, his neck slack from bad posture, which caused his chin to look receded and indignant, giving him an uncharacteristically emo overbite. Hyuk laughed.

“I would rather that, than if he makes me do rounds with him in the ring. Have you seen his shoulders?” Hyuk could barely fill out the old blazer his dad had given him when he left home for the city.

Jaehwannie hyung had worse ideas.

“‘Hang in the park’? Is that some sort of code? Gang language?” he frowned, peering at Hyuk worriedly.

“Did you borrow money from him? Look at him funny?”

Hyuk couldn’t tell if he was being serious or pulling his leg. But it did strike him as amusing that Jaehwan would think Hyuk had looked at Taekwoon funny.

“Maybe you could come with me?” he suggested, quietly. Jaehwan shook his head.

“I can’t handle Taekwoon, he tries to conduct me when I am singing my parts.”

Hyuk didn’t have much time to agonise over it because a day or two later, Taekwoon came up to him and asked him if he was ready.

Hyuk nodded out of sheer helplessness, feeling he should at least try to be brave.

“Should I bring anything, Hyung?”

Taekwoon raised his eyebrows, staring at him, not in the eye, but just under, where his cheekbone met the hollow of his cheek. It made him think Taekwoon was using his peripheral vision, which is what murderous boxing idol types did, he thought. Just before the kill.

“You won’t be needing anything,” he said, ominously.

Then he turned and took the stairs up out of their basement dance studio, three steps at a time. Hyuk had no time to lose, and scampered after him with barely a word.

When they reached the outside, Taekwoon walked past the drivers’ garage in front of the building, turned left and headed straight up the main street, til they reached the river front. Hyuk had a hard time keeping up with his long, loping steps, only because Taekwoon knew where he was going, but Hyuk had people to avoid, and was following blind.

Hyuk laughed now as he finished dressing, looking up at the ceiling and shaking his head.

Taekwoon had sat him down on a grassy patch and they had watched cyclists and joggers go past as the sun had started setting - and had proceeded to tell him to pull his finger out and stop acting like he was some sort of impostor, to get his head in the game and start being an idol, for godssakes.

Hyuk had stared at Taekwoon’s fine profile, fine even with his huge brow ridge and striking cheekbones, all hunched over himself as he rested his arms on his pointy bent knees.

“Huh?” he said, closing his mouth suddenly as he realised how rude he sounded. “I mean, sorry, what?”

Taekwoon turned to him then, looking him straight in the eye, the sunlight lighting up his brown irises and giving his gaze an intensity he felt he couldn’t match.

He averted his gaze, looking down.

“Look at me,” Taekwoon said, his voice commanding.

Hyuk looked up, a little breathless from having to be reminded of his manners.

Taekwoon’s eyes, usually black pinpoints of ice when they looked at him, were boring into his, yes, with intensity, but also with something else. The glow of the setting sun had turned them coffee-coloured. They exuded warmth. Perhaps concern.

“You can’t keep behaving like you don’t deserve to be here. You were chosen for a reason. And even though you might tell yourself someone else might have worked harder than you, or done more than you… there is a reason why they didn’t get chosen too - and that has nothing to do with you. If the criteria for getting in was purely hard work and time, you would have been the first to go. But you’re here now. They are not.”

Hyuk stopped moving in his bedroom, the memory of what Taekwoon had said that day flooding him with emotion. It had been a turning point, and Taekwoon had brought him to it with a hard kind of love that Hyuk was now so grateful for.

Despite his disbelief, he remembered feeling himself growing warm with pride at that moment, something he didn’t think Taekwoon would ever be the one to engender in him.

“So stop acting like you’re undeserving cos you’re beginning to look like it. And the last thing you want is for the ones who didn’t make it to look at you and wonder how you got their spot.”

Well, that had both crushed him and elated him. He had never felt so low as to be thought of in that way, and at the same time so full of possibility, knowing that they thought he had the very potential he believed he lacked. It seemed even more powerful an effect on him, to know that Taekwoon thought that of him too.

He had felt his cheeks redden in shame, but there was also something else.

Taekwoon thought that he deserved to be there. Taekwoon was telling him to live up to his potential. Taekwoon, whose passion was showing through, his eyes liquid and golden in the sun, wanted him there.

In that moment Hyuk had made a turning point, had reawakened some inherent childhood confidence that he was good enough, which he had eaten away at with his guilt and anxieties. He felt loved, and accepted.

And that very specific feeling - that came from Taekwoon.

Needless to say, things changed drastically after that, and soon they began to see success, in tandem with his own personal growth.

Yet Taekwoon remained cold and indifferent on camera, despite his passion in the studios, on stage or in rehearsals.

Hyuk soon realised that, the powerful, stoic Taekwoon who had set him to rights, had his own battles to fight - and he gradually learned just how painful those battles could be for someone like Taekwoon, who yearned to soar in his performance and musicianship, yet was hindered by his own constraints.

The camera was an increasing antagonist for Taekwoon. It demanded words, concepts and action - but Taekwoon’s private issues rendered him paralysed, belligerent and standoffish on camera.

Hyuk realised he had his own facility with keeping the show going, and whilst Wonsik, Hongbin and Hakyeon knew how to steer events, he and Jaehwan found their own way to colour and move the way things flowed.

Their biggest block was Taekwoon, who would freeze, or fall back on confusion or inaction - until they realised that despite his on-camera paralysis, he didn’t resist when people interacted with him, and his energy was really quite benign when it came to how he reacted to adverse situations.

This gave them the fodder they needed to play off his sullen character, sending him up and yet also building him up, a genuine sort of teasing affection that he could handle, without having to initiate anything or to even properly respond to it.

It was thus that Hyuk, with his growing confidence and growing physicality and stature, came to flip roles with Taekwoon, in the sense that he became the most fearsome in the group instead, and in his own way.

Then finally, Taekwoon reached his own watershed and seemed to break free of his complexes within the space of a few months. Hyuk remembered quite clearly the time frame in which it happened. They were already quite, quite close as friends and coworkers, but the shift in his being on camera coincided with his exposure to solo stage work in his musicals.

All at once, Taekwoon seemed to tire of holding himself together - as if this persona was no longer protecting him, but burdening him.

And he just… loosened up - and let silliness and laughter and lightness bubble up out of him.

And Hyuk… well, Hyuk had long fallen in love - and, like Taekwoon used to do about his happier self on camera, he hid every bit of his weakness for him as much as he could.

**

Taekwoon answered his phone, leaning back so that the restaurant lady owner could place the piping hot pot of soup onto the burner in the centre of his table.

“Hyuk-ah? How long will you be? The soup has arrived, and I might have to start without you.”

Hyuk laughed, that high, light giggle that always entertained Taekwoon.

“I am almost there, but just start if you have to, Hyung,” he said.

Taekwoon loved hearing these sort of social niceties, and enjoyed taking such gestures of politeness literally - something he learned from Hyuk, who seemed to secretly disdain beating around the bush and would often use Taekwoon’s own suggestive or ambiguous language against him.

How often had he been made to sound lewd or evil - or petty or deceiving -by Hyuk’s literal responses to his flights of lingual fancy.

“Did you bring the-“

“AAAH SHIT!” Hyuk’s uncharacteristic frustration with himself signalled to Taekwoon that he had forgotten to bring the albums with him. He chuckled.

“That’s okay, now I have another excuse to make you visit. I might just come to pick them up on the way home one day.”

“Sorry Hyung. Aahh! I even put them on my dining table so that I wouldn’t forget them!”

Taekwoon encouraged him to hurry, and hung up.

As soon as the food arrived, he started. It wasn’t long before Hyuk walked in, bringing a little gust of wind through the doors with him, his long cashmere overcoat hanging just so from his large frame.

“Ohhh, so handsome. Solo artist experience has made you very dashing and serious!” Taekwoon declared, his eyes alight with adoring wonder.

Hyuk raised a serious eyebrow, shrugging off the coat and draping it over the back of the next seat before sitting and letting Taekwoon clap a hand on his shoulder, his fingers curling round his nape and rocking him back and forth almost by the neck.

It was a Taekwoon habit, and Hyuk let himself get waggled back and forth good-naturedly - although if it was on camera, he might have paused, smiling benignly for effect, and let the viewers come to their own conclusions about who really could wring whose neck.

It was a game they played together, Taekwoon making soft, age-tinged gestures of dominance which Hyuk would subvert smilingly, patiently, with his own quiet brand of domination.

He loved that Taekwoon didn’t mind playing up Hyuk’s evil-with-a-child’s-face power over him. Very often, he made it so that Hyuk look ridiculously strong and overbearing, but Hyuk would play along until the cameras turned away, whereupon they would turn to each other and giggle.

He also loved that they could switch off the playing when the cameras stopped recording, and turn to serious matters like how Hyuk’s solo career was panning out, now that the Hyungs had decided they would let him have some space in the limelight.

Hyuk would laugh and tell Taekwoon that he was always grateful for what they did for him, and Taekwoon would nod with that toothy smile, his eyes scrunched right up in happiness, as if he was pleased that they had raised such a gracious kid.

Taekwoon stirred the pot with his chopsticks, peering at him with knowing eyes.

“It’s better that we met here, isn’t it? Better than you picking me up and us going to some cafe with no time to spare. I should have known, you always have good sense.”

Hyuk rolled his eyes.

“Shut up.”

Taekwoon laughed, a silent guffaw that made him lean his head back and close his eyes as he did.

Hyuk continued.

“You have been dying to eat here for ages and for some insane reason won’t come on your own. Eel soup this, eel soup that. ‘I’m an old man now’. ‘Ooo, I feel the cold in my bones, and between my ears’!”

Taekwoon was so overcome with laughter he shook silently, his head thrown back again, only moving to bring his hand up to cover his mouth.

Hyuk paused to watch, affectionately, as Taekwoon’s mirth bubbled over.

“Is it draughty between your ears, Hyung?” he added, sending Taekwoon off into a back-slapping fit. Hyuk let himself be smacked, ever pleased that he could make Taekwoon happy this way.

The lady owner came over with more soup in a jug to top up their pot, smiling at them benignly as she left.

“I remember a time when I couldn’t make such a joke for fear of getting myself a special time out,” Hyuk said, smiling as Taekwoon caught his breath.

Taekwoon sobered suddenly, blinking his eyes clear and slowing the movement of his chopsticks before pausing to think of what he was going to say.

“Who would ever do that to you? We never did, did we?”

Hyuk was surprised, and stopped to think it through. He realised his perception of that time was really so very different from Taekwoon’s. He also realised he was making a rather dated joke. It had long been since Hyuk had any reason to feel afraid or small within their group.

“Things were tough for everyone back then, but we never took it out on each other. We never singled you out.”

Hyuk nodded, seeing that the smile still lingered in Taekwoon’s eyes. His were not words of indignation or regret. He was just making an observation.

He watched Taekwoon’s mouth as he spoke, watched how he stared unblinkingly into the stew, his fingers moving the chopsticks gently through it.

“Now that I am away from all of it, now that I can look back with even just this little distance I have from it, I feel very lucky that we all came together the way we did. It could have been so different, but all of us had the same intention: to be better, to do better. I can understand that feeling, that you were somehow left out, because I felt the same way now and then. Hakyeon did too. Wonshikkie. All of us. But it didn’t come from being made to feel that way by everyone else, it came from not wanting to let anyone down.”

Taekwoon paused, finally looking up at Hyuk, his eyes clear.

“We did this, all of us. You were the last, and made us happy, Hyoggie.”

Hyuk held his breath, unsure of the emotions he was feeling. Taekwoon was staring at him, his smile full of love - but he realised that it was the kind of love and pride a parent or older brother had for their children, or younger sibling, and it left him wanting.

He smiled back, allowing himself to look abashed, even though he didn’t feel that at all. He was already absolutely certain of the love the others had for him.

And he was absolutely certain that Taekwoon loved him like that, dearly.

It just didn’t make him happy to have that certainty, at all.

**

“Hyung, I forgot to bring them,” Hyuk giggled into the phone as he lay back on his bed. He had just walked in after his lunch with Taekwoon, and had lain down still in his overcoat.

Hakyeon sighed on the other end.

“What’s happening to you Hyoggie? You’e losing it. Is success getting to you?”

Hyuk laughed.

“Maybe I was in too much of a rush.”

“And how is Taekwoonnie?”

“He’s fine. I mean, you saw him before the New Year, didn’t you?”

“No, I mean, how is he?”

Hyuk’s smile dwindled as he stared up at the ceiling.

“He looks good. Happy. I think he likes the place he is at.”

Hakyeon snorted at the other end.

“And how are you?” he asked, a little more sombrely.

Hyuk blinked at the ceiling. He was fine. Why wouldn’t he be?

“I’m fine.”

Hakyeon was quiet on the other end, then he sighed audibly.

“It can get a little lonely, you know,” Hakyeon said.

“What, being in the military?”

“No, coming off the fanmeeting circus as a solo artist.”

Hyuk was suddenly struck by how final it seemed, having both Hakyeon and Taekwoon away, Wonsik no longer able to be concerned with VIXX stuff, and Jaehwan and Hongbin busy with their own thing too.

“You go home with staff, not the boys. You go home alone, not to a dorm. I don’t want you to feel that sadness. So this is why I am giving you errands, Hyuk-ah. So you can see us. So we can see you.”

Hyuk smiled, but it was to hold back tears.

Hakyeon chuckled quietly. He knew Hyuk couldn’t speak.

“It’s not something you should let get you down. Everyone knows it. Wonsik and Taekwoon felt it when they started their solo stuff. I felt it. We all cried alone.”

“Aww, Hyung,” Hyuk laughed, morose. He raised a hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose, and found his fingers were trembling.

“It’s okay, Hyuk-ah. It makes you stronger. It makes you care. So let me do you a favour by making you do me a favour. Go see Taekwoon and send him the albums. Let him know how special they are.”

Hyuk’s mouth turned down at the corners and he dropped the phone on his chest to cover his face with both hands.

On the other end, Hakyeon stayed on the line with Hyuk for a few moments, even though nothing was said.

Then at last, he murmured, “See him soon, Hyoggie,” and hung up.

**

Their stylist Nayeon finished taking notes and nodded to the tailor, who began packing up his things so that he could leave. He took his tape, notes, assistants and all the outfits, and left in a big flurry. She looked at Hyuk and asked him if he was happy with everything that they had agreed on. He nodded as he straightened out the loose shirt he was wearing over his loose jogger pants, especially easy to take on and off for their fitting session.

He was very happy. After all his promotions, his year-long season songs and the year-end events, his profile was beginning to rise and gain attention, and he was already booked for several fashion events and tie-ups with local upcoming fashion labels.

He offered her a drink, but she shook her head. She had Hongbin to look after, for similar events, and Wonsik had also asked her to get involved with his next comeback, so things were getting busy in the new year, quick.

“I worry Daetuckkie is trying to handle the styling for Wonsik’s fashion events.”

“You don’t think he gets fashion?”

Nayeon laughed.

“I worry he will be thinking about what he likes rather than what his brief is from Shikkie,” she said, waving her hand. Hyuk laughed.

“When have you ever listened to the brief from Shikkie?” Hyuk asked, to which she shrugged impishly.

“I’m not employed by Wonsik, I’m employed by the company. Daetuck on the other hand, he’s Wonsik’s dogsbody - oh sorry, manager - by choice. Hmmm. Maybe I should ask him if he’s remembered about the Peony Pins they do every year.”

Hyuk frowned. “They have Peony Pins every year? What are they?”

“I don’t know, I just made them up!”

Hyuk pursed his lips and waggled a finger at her.

“No, no, no, no, no, I will tell on you, Noona. Daetuckkie will believe you and then Shikkie will believe him. He might ask his streetwear buddies what they are.”

“And they will likely believe they exist as well, or let him believe it if they know better,” Nayeon batted her eyelids innocently.

Hyuk picked up his phone and texted Wonsik.

_Nayeon Noona is not to be believed, tell Daetuckkie Hyung._

“There, your plan is thwarted!” he cried, looking at her triumphantly.

She shrugged.

“I’ll tell him about the Plaza Placemats then,” she scoffed as she pulled on her coat and grabbed her bag. She smiled at him as he chuckled, and left.

He tidied up, putting cups and plates into the sink and washing his hands.

As he strode to his bedroom, the doorbell rang, and he went to open it with a grand whoosh.

“Noona-“

“She’s gone,” Taekwoon smiled, gesturing down the hall, where presumably he had just bumped into her before she left proper.

Hyuk couldn’t help feeling a flutter in the pit of his stomach. He wasn't prepared for the idea of Taekwoon in his home right now, but he wasn't averse to it either.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?”

Taekwoon chuckled, looking a little embarrassed.

“Hakyeon told me to come get those albums because he wants to have them this weekend. This was the only time I could come. I would have called, but I was already nearby, so I just tried my luck.”

Well, he supposed Taekwoon was in luck. He supposed he was in luck too. If he discounted Hakyeon’s meddling, of course.

Hyuk stood aside, and let Taekwoon walk in.

“Have you had your dinner yet, Hyung?”

Taekwoon shook his head, looking around. He was still dressed in his office wear. Hyuk wondered what he would be doing all this way from work.

“I can’t offer you anything, because I haven’t cooked. And, even if I did, I wouldn’t want to hurt you,” he murmured. Taekwoon laughed, shaking his head.

“I would still try it, even if just to taste,” Taekwoon said, his toothy smile affectionate.

Hyuk felt that familiar unsatisfying feeling that Taekwoon’s affection for him was purely because, well, he was affectionate.

They stood there for a moment, in the living room. Taekwoon looked around, nodding to himself.

“It’s nice.”

“It’s a couch and a dining table.”

“Well, those are nice things.”

“I also have a tv,” Hyuk said, stepping a little aside to gesture reverently at the wall-mounted tv.

“Ah, the Jaehwan present.”

“Yes. And if I remember correctly, you got me factory-made songpyeon new year rice cakes from the food court at your musical venue.”

“Ah yes, they make them for the tourists.”

Taekwoon stared baldly back at Hyuk, his smile plastic. Hyuk laughed, so amused by Taekwoon’s particular brand of humour.

“Well, they were delicious Hyung,” Hyuk said politely. “At least, that’s what my mum said.”

“Stop lying!” Taekwoon finally raised his voice, pointing at him with a bony finger.

“No, it’s true!”

“You came home and ate them all by yourself, wearing Wonsik’s Groovl1n pin and watching Jaehwannie’s TV!” Taekwoon intoned, making Hyuk laugh at how silly that sounded.

“And then you drank out of Hongbin’s dollar store doggy cup and then when you got cold from all that indifference you put Hakyeon’s brown charity bean scarf round your neck!!”

Hyuk laughed so hard at the picture Taekwoon was painting that he started clapping at how tickled he was.

Taekwoon was watching him, thoroughly entertained and smug about having made Hyuk laugh so hard. He came over and patted him on the back, an incessant, pointless, Taekwoony sort of patting that just made him laugh harder.

“If your mum had even had a whiff of those songpyeon she would have texted me herself. Don’t try to hide your love for me, Hyoggie, I know you kept them all for yourself!”

Hyuk started coughing. Taekwoon hit harder, until Hyuk had to step away, going to get himself some water.

Taekwoon stilled, looking at Hyuk smugly.

“I suppose you must be shocked at how funny I am. You should see me at home with the presents I got when I moved out,” Taekwoon declared, a look of scorn in his eyes.

“You guys sure know how to make someone feel special,” Taekwoon quipped, his tone salty. Hyuk started giggling again.

“But Jaehwannie got you a TV-“

“A TV YES I KNOW,” Taekwoon said at the same time as Hyuk, suddenly making it obvious how un-special getting a tv could be, knowing that everyone got one.

“I know now that Hongbin has bought at least three of those mugs at the dollar store. I think he may actually have gotten five, one for each of us. The next birthday is Wonsik’s, so we have yet to see. Then Wonsik sent me something for the dog I had given to my sister last year, and it took me quite a few minutes trying to figure out how I was supposed to wear such a small sweater, before I realised it was for Siwollie. Your leader Hakyeon gave me a Singing Bowl.”

Taekwoon held his hands palms up in a slow shrug and looked at Hyuk despondently.

The gesture was all it took for Hyuk to understand that Taekwoon did not appreciate the Singing Bowl.

“I’m never ever gonna ask Jaehwan what his family business really is,” Taekwoon stated defiantly. Hyuk giggled one last laugh, thoroughly entertained.

Taekwoon smiled, finally joining Hyuk in the mirth, but then he paused, looking at Hyuk with a smile.

“But your present,” he said, and at that Hyuk sobered, exhaling slowly as the smile faded from his eyes.

Taekwoon put a hand into his coat pocket, fishing for something.

“I carry it with me,” he said, finally pulling out his wallet and opening it to carefully slide out a tiny, delicate, punched-metal bookmark. It was something any tourist could find at a souvenir shop. Usually they were square or oblong, but this one had curves and a small, delicate tassel that was supposed to hang out of the top of a book’s pages, that was decorated with a small bead of jade.

Taekwoon slipped it out of the card compartment it was in, and held it up between them.

“I have no idea what it is. I mean, it’s a souvenir. It’s a bookmark, I know. But you know I don’t really read. I don’t even know why, but I loved it as soon as I saw it. Look. It’s almost prismatic under the light. And it’s like filigree. It’s common, but it’s pretty. It was made on a production line, but it’s also complex and styled and designed.”

As he turned it this way and that, so that the light that shone through the delicate holes cast soft shadows on his fingers, the metal looked anodised, with multiple hues, an effect that both made it look cheap and gave it its beauty.

“I know you probably gave it to me as a joke, but when I remember it, I think, my Hyoggie gave me this,” Taekwoon said, proudly.

Hyuk gasped, turning away. He covered his sudden rush of emotion by clamping a hand on Taekwoon’s shoulder as he slipped behind him so as not to have him see.

“Aww, Hyung, does that mean I am your favourite?” he said loudly, letting go of him and walking into the bedroom, surreptitiously putting his hand over his mouth.

After all this time, Taekwoon had held on to that trinket? Hyuk had bought it for him - and it did look like a joke - but it did have some meaning for him too.

When he had given it to him, backstage in the greenroom during some show, he had said, rather flippantly, that it was to remind Taekwoon of Han Sanghyuk, and to remember how lucky Hyung was to have met his favourite dongsaeng. Taekwoon, knowing he was being ribbed in front of the others, nodded with a smirk, and made a big show of unwrapping it, delighting over it, and slipping it into his wallet for safekeeping.

Hyuk called out, telling Taekwoon to make himself comfortable, and that he was just getting the albums for him.

“It’s okay, I am in no rush. Unless you are busy?” Taekwoon called back.

“No. Shall I order something?”

“Tangsuyuk. Jjajangmyeon.”

Hyuk chuckled. He presumed Taekwoon was already comfortable on the couch.

He gave himself a moment to recoup in the room, sitting on the bed to make a quick order on his phone as he blinked away tears. Seeing that Taekwoon kept his gift had made him stupidly happy - and yet, he found himself tamping it down, trying very hard not to let elation spill, before it turned into disappointment when he remembered that he could only ever be the giant little brother in Taekwoon’s eyes.

Then he went to get the albums, still in the baggy he had prepared that day, and brought them outside, not giving himself any time to think.

He came out to find Taekwoon lying on the couch, his stockinged feet padding against the armrest the way a cat kneads a soft belly, as he flipped channels on the TV.

“Come here,” he said, patting the front of the sofa by his chest, where he expected Hyuk to rest against it.

Hyuk went over and sat down on the floor, putting the bag of albums next to Taekwoon’s wallet on the table, avoiding looking at the bookmark that he had rested on top of it - and felt Taekwoon’s hand snake over his shoulder so that he could hug him with one arm. Taekwoon was turning over onto his side so that he could let his arm lay comfortably over Hyuk’s shoulder and chest, his head barely peeping past Hyuk's shoulder as he let it rest on the cushion.

Hyuk liked it when Taekwoon did this, despite everything. Taekwoon always liked to put his full weight on him, and Hyuk knew it was not so much about hugging him as it was about enjoying hugging - someone, anyone.

Hyuk liked letting him have that, even though he would make a big show of being indifferent.

“I’m ready to nap,” Taekwoon murmured, his voice soft and husky with fatigue.

Hyuk let himself acknowledge that he liked hearing Taekwoon’s soft tired voice in his ear. He didn’t want to think further on that thought, knowing that he might start to get uncomfortable with his proximity.

Hyuk had harboured many deep feelings about Taekwoon for a long time, but none were as powerful as the thought of physical intimacy - and so he avoided them with great discipline.

Some thoughts were enough to make him hard, and he thought he would die of mortification if he ever got hard in front of Taekwoon.

So, he never let himself think the thoughts that sometimes threatened to undo him. Especially not when he was in Taekwoon’s embrace like this.

They watched the television with quiet interest, until Hyuk became aware that Taekwoon’s arm had grown leaden and slack, and that his little puffs of breath had deepened in slumber. He ventured a look, turning his head a little to peer at Taekwoon’s face, half-smushed into the sofa cushion.

Even in sleep, the curve of his eyelids gave his features that pretty, feline quality. But mostly, it made him look young and delicate, even though Hyuk knew Taekwoon still gave a mean punch and could outlast him on the gym circuit. He stared openly, for the first time in a long time, letting himself gaze unselfconsciously at the curve of his cheek, the little chicken pox scar on the highest part of it that was sliced finely through by the barest, thinnest line - a scar left by an errant spiked shoe from some childhood football tumble. His mouth was puffy, overly red as it always was, and the fine line of his nose and the fine line of his jaw, all of it, pretty, delicate, the face of the man who had once stared at him with liquid sunlit eyes and told him he was worthy-

Hyuk felt his mouth go dry as Taekwoon’s eyes opened.

He stared at him, unable to cover the fact that he was gawking at him, and unable to say anything.

Taekwoon, who was really still asleep, blinked at him, his eyes unseeing.

“Did you eat without me?” he mumbled, eyes bleary again. Hyuk held his breath as they fluttered shut and Taekwoon slipped back into his slumber.

The doorbell rang. Hyuk grabbed Taekwoon’s arm and unwound it from himself, turning so as not to twist it as he stood up. Taekwoon stirred, again.

“I said, the food’s here, Hyung,” Hyuk said loudly, letting Taekwoon’s arm flop onto the sofa.

“Hmm?” he hummed, inhaling deeply as he stretched, all his limbs pointing in one direction as shivers went along his muscles. He squealed as he stretched, a kind of strangled yawn in his throat. Hyuk had to stop himself from thinking how cute and indulgent that was to him.

Hyuk enunciated clearly, “I said, the food is here,” as he went to get the door. The food smelled greasy delicious as he set the packages on the dining table.

“Shall we eat in front of the tv?” he asked, and took Taekwoon’s nonresponse as a yes.

He grabbed bowls and chopsticks and napkins and brought everything over to the low table in front of them, setting things out methodically as he let Taekwoon slumber for a few more minutes, preparing all the dishes and placing their settings, pouring some soju into a couple of tumblers.

Then, he sat on the floor again and nudged at Taekwoon with his elbow. Taekwoon sat up, inhaling deeply and running a hand through his hair.

He bent his legs to shift himself upright into a lotus position on the sofa. Hyuk passed him a bowl of noodles and chopsticks, then turned to pay attention to his own bowl.

As he mixed up the contents, making sure all the sauce was thoroughly coating all the noodles, he thought that he had never been so keenly aware of Taekwoon’s physical presence as he was now. It was as if Taekwoon was radiating heat and the whole of his back and side could feel it, making his skin prickle there.

He thought he could hear Taekwoon’s deep, contented breath, even over the tv’s volume, and sensed his movements by the minute shifting of the sofa cushion against his back.

When Taekwoon placed a hand on his shoulder to brace himself as he leaned forward to get a napkin, Hyuk went still, peeping carefully at Taekwoon’s profile, feeling a familiar affection for that little cheek pouch near his mouth that became emphasised when Taekwoon was concentrating.

Taekwoon noticed the tangsuyuk and made a small noise of happiness, finally letting go of Hyuk’s shoulder and reaching further with his chopsticks to ferry pieces of it carefully into his bowl. His mouth, ordinarily finely poised in his profile, was pursed slightly into a beak of concentration, and Hyuk couldn’t help but imagine how his own mouth would fit with those lips.

He put his bowl down, standing up suddenly and going to the kitchen, wanting desperately to get away from both Taekwoon and his thoughts.

There, he opened and shut the fridge door and a cupboard or two.

“What are you looking for?” he heard Taekwoon ask.

_Peace of mind_ , he thought. How would he really ever have that if he couldn’t get Taekwoon out of it?

“Kimchi. I think I’m out,” he said, knowing full well there was some in the fridge. He just didn’t want to go back to the table yet.

In alarm, he realised Taekwoon had gotten up to come over.

“That can’t be true, you must have some,” he said, with some urgency in his voice. Hyuk was amused that Taekwoon’s energy and proactiveness was entirely induced by the possibility - or lack thereof - of more food or flavour.

He stepped in front of Taekwoon to open the fridge, exclaiming loudly and finding it at the back of a rack.

He turned to show the little container, and came face to face with Taekwoon, who stood there with his bowl at the ready, way too close.

“Here,” he said, his eyes fixed on the container as he tapped his chopsticks on the edge of his styrofoam bowl. When Hyuk didn’t respond, he looked up, his eyes impatient. Then they softened, imploring.

“Please?” he said, looking back down at the kimchi and brandishing his bowl a little closer to Hyuk.

“Don’t make me wait, Hyuk-ah,” he whispered, using an elbow to nudge his arm.

Hyuk could see what it was about Taekwoon that he supposed made him feel protective over him. This little gesture, that was so intimate and unselfconsciously petty and demanding, here. In it, Hyuk saw meaning and sentiment - a wealth of history and experience between them that made their relationship what it was.

Looking down at Taekwoon, his hunger and tastebuds inspiring this demanding little urgency, Hyuk could only see someone in contrasts: the older brother who had told him to get his head in the game, the silly hyung who didn’t mind pleading for his favour. Right now, Taekwoon looked young, small, and expectant, and Hyuk had to stay his own hand from reaching up to lift his sulky chin.

Taekwoon lifted his head suddenly, his eyes showing impatience, betrayal. It was as if he was wounded by the fact that Hyuk was making him wait.

In that moment, Hyuk wondered if all this time, he had been subconsciously teasing Taekwoon just to get him to look at him like that. It always made him feel some kind of way.

“Open it, Hyuk-ah,” Taekwoon chided, his sleep-tired eyes now unblinking, fighty.

Hyuk dropped his gaze, thinking that if he tried to look him back, Taekwoon would see everything in his eyes and discover something he feared would change the way Taekwoon looked at him forever. If Taekwoon ever saw…

He smiled, making as if he was happy that he had managed to irritate his hyung one more time, which he guessed he was, and opened the container, turning to walk towards the table before Taekwoon could reach for it.

Taekwoon made an exasperated noise, and padded after him, grumbling.

Hyuk picked up his chopsticks and turned suddenly, so that Taekwoon had to stop before he bumped into him.

With a light, measured touch, Hyuk selected the prettiest pieces of kimchi and placed them delicately into Taekwoon’s bowl, speaking softly, as if to mollify Taekwoon simply using his tone.

“When we wait patiently and speak nicely, we get the nice things in a nice way. See how pretty they sit when I put them in gently. If I was impatient, or you were not still, they would get all jumbled up and we would feel unsettled-“

“Hurry up and shut up,” Taekwoon interrupted, his tone gentle and persuasive just like Hyuk’s. Hyuk couldn’t help it, he giggled and nodded, sealing up the container and looking expectantly at Taekwoon’s bowl.

Taekwoon glanced up at him, unsure of what he was waiting for, then looked into his own bowl too.

“Thank you,” he said, then his voice turned bright and proud as he started to gather a mouthful with his chopsticks.

“What would we do if we didn’t have our lovely Hyuk?” he said, sounding like a proud aunty. Hyuk loved it.

He scoffed and turned away, setting down the kimchi and going to sit down on the sofa. Taekwoon sat down next to him, and had begun slurping and munching on his mouthful. He sighed, content.

They ate companionably, staring in silence at the screen, Hyuk barely registering what was on.

He liked this. He felt warm, even though it was hard to resist glancing over at Taekwoon. He wanted to watch him eat, wanted to coo over his happiness.

Hyuk worried his lip with his teeth, his attention drifting away from the tv.

He was tormented by the fact that he had set himself up as independent of Taekwoon’s - or anyone’s - feelings or experience. That somehow, Hyuk didn’t need anyone.

And whilst Taekwoon was relatively easy with his expression and feelings, Hyuk always closed himself off from too much emotion, or at least, the show of it. He felt vulnerable, only because he recognised that when he saw vulnerability in others, his own response was fearing how open it made them seem to any hurt that might come their way.

He saw that in Taekwoon, and it was the very thing that made him feel protective over him, but it was also the thing that he realised he himself could hurt him with. How easy it was for Hyuk to play and tease and inspire pain in Taekwoon. Admittedly, mostly in fun, but it still wrenched at Hyuk’s heartstrings to hear Taekwoon’s plaintive voice after he had been teasing him, sometimes.

“Nothing better than good food and a good night’s sleep,” he heard Taekwoon murmur as he scraped up the last of his food and smacked his lips as he swallowed.

“Not even sex?” Hyuk blurted, unable to stop himself. He felt like he needed to stir up this wallowing softness with something rough, indelicate.

Taekwoon put his bowl on the table and took a moment, seriously considering his question.

“Are you saying you have been having sex, Hyuk?” he asked, in the tone of a disappointed and disapproving parent.

Hyuk laughed, glad to be lifted out of his current state of mind a little.

“Does anyone we know even have sex?” he laughed, and noted that they dropped into silence very quickly after that. He supposed Taekwoon might be thinking it would be nice to have someone to hold in this sometimes lonely life. Hyuk wished it were true, and the thought came unbidden that he wished he could say, _I can be that someone for you_.

He shook his head, trying to steer away from that thought, but today, it seemed, this was harder to do.

Whilst opportunity was everywhere for them in terms of meeting many attractive people in their line of work, the truth was that ambition and drive kept them in a fairly monk-like lifestyle. It was work, food, rest, repeat.

And whilst Hyuk had had some dalliances at school and the odd flirtation or crush at home when he had a break, he had never really had a full relationship. Until Taekwoon, he had never even really thought of his sexual orientation.

When he was still a rookie at the dorm, when he was alone, if the urge came upon him to take care of himself, to have some sexual release, he would do it in the shower, or wank into the toilet. It was purely physical. It seemed to be something he took care of in tandem with some other purpose, like his personal hygiene. It was efficient and time conserving. He realised he didn’t even have fantasies, and never liked the idea of porn. When he did climax, which was usually within minutes, it was gentle, relaxed. He never found himself really getting worked up or overly vigorous about it.

It was only much later, relatively recently, in fact, that he found that thoughts of Taekwoon would creep into his mind. At first, he had felt guilty about it, as if he was somehow stripping Taekwoon of his autonomy, masturbating over him like that. Of course, Taekwoon would never, could never, ever know.

But it had started one day, when they had returned from some photo shoot or other, and the others had taken some time to get a coffee. He was alone in the house save for Taekwoon, who was feeling under the weather and had gone straight to bed. This was when he had had a revelation.

He had asked if Taekwoon needed anything, and Taekwoon had asked for something to drink. When he brought in some water and fever medicine, he had gently tapped Taekwoon’s shoulder who was under the covers, and told him his drink was on the table. When Taekwoon hadn’t responded, he pulled back the cover a little, to find that he was burning up, his cheeks red as he slept.

He had woken him up and made him drink his medicine, watching carefully as Taekwoon sipped a mouthful and swallowed his pills, then helped him cover himself before he rolled onto his side, his blanket clutched tightly under his chin.

His hair stuck out in tufts from under the top of the blanket, and Hyuk found himself reaching to touch it. He stood to go before he let himself do it, and heard Taekwoon’s muffled voice say, “Thank you, my Hyoggie.”

Taekwoon’s tired, gentle voice had stirred a softness in him that he often felt when they shared still and quiet moments like this.

He had showered, and found himself thinking about how soft and trusting Taekwoon was, when he let him take care of him. He found himself getting turned on as he washed, his cock springing hard suddenly as he imagined Taekwoon looking up at him as he touched his face to ascertain how hot he was from fever, then closing his eyes and letting his cheek rest in Hyuk’s cupped palm.

Hyuk was taken aback by his sudden erection, and as he soaped up, saw Taekwoon, pretty and gentle with his eyes heavy lidded and grateful as he cupped his cheek, open his mouth and use his tongue to guide his thumb deep inside, then swallow it down, sucking gently as his eyes closed with pleasure.

Hyuk had started gasping as if out of nowhere, lust wracking his body with desire, and he had come hard, a sudden, violent rush of a climax that had bucked his body violently, so that he had to brace himself with his hand on the wall as he jerked himself fast, fucking into his fist and trying not to moan with a ragged voice.

He had stood, gasping, shocked, his come thick and hot in his hand, and had felt a rush of mortification wash over him as he watched it slide over his fingers, down the drain. His breaths, hard and heavy, seemed to echo too loudly in the bathroom, and he swallowed, trying to still his thundering heart.

What the fuck. This would not do.

He emerged from the hot shower, his legs trembling from the strength of his release, and maybe from how shaken he was that it had happened.

He had not even imagined anything hard or vulgar. In fact, the picture in his mind had been almost sweet and serene, until in his sudden fantasy Taekwoon had pulled his thumb into his mouth with a gentle, hot tongue.

Hyuk had felt his cock jump again as he lay in his bed, and he shifted uncomfortably, trying to shift his thoughts also. He felt guilt, and yet, he felt drawn, so drawn to the idea of a pliant, appreciative Taekwoon gently taking him in his mouth. What if, what if.

What if it were his cock. What if Taekwoon asked him to do more. What if Taekwoon asked him to lay back. What if Taekwoon wanted to be face down-

With considerable effort, the kind that only the young and pure of heart who were determined to be good had, he tamped down those thoughts, turned away from them, and clung to the idea that Hyung was someone who cared for him platonically, as he too did for his Hyung, and that anything more than that was fodder for the camera, for teasing, and for camaraderie.

With such determination, Hyuk had managed to reconcile his desire for Taekwoon’s attention, for his body for that matter, or for his mouth, with his own very strong desire to keep the status quo.

For so long, Hyuk had told himself he was content to have this happy brothership with Taekwoon. And he kept it so by never letting himself think of him that way again.

Well, for the most part.

Until the last few weeks, when, feeling Taekwoon’s absence, he had found himself walking in his shoes, the quiet, lonely path of a solo artist, that had let him spread his wings, had let him explore so much of himself. It was something that gave him experience, made him strong, and also, made him feel how much of a privilege it was to do things altogether with people he could trust and love. With Taekwoon.

It also made him look back on his resolution to keep things clean, and wonder if that was what he wanted anymore.

Because, right now, eating with him and spending easy time with him, Hyuk wanted more than anything, to be able to look at him with love, or with desire, or with whatever, freely. He didn’t want to hide himself anymore.

The only thing holding him back was the possibility that Taekwoon would not want him to be like that.

Or, would not want to be with him at all.

**

“You seem distracted, Hyoggie. Is everything okay? How are rehearsals going? Are they treating you kindly? I know some of them you know, I can go have a word with someone and set things right.”

Hyuk smiled, thinking that the idea of Taekwoon pulling weight over someone was as funny as him pulling weight over the members: ineffective.

“Nobody’s treating me bad. I.. I just have a dilemma.”

“I can help with dilemmas,” Taekwoon said, pushing his bowl away from him and stretching out on the sofa, his feet worming their way over Hyuk’s lap. “Quick, tell me before I fall asleep, cos the food is making a bed in my tummy,” he smiled, his eyes relaxed as he patted his stomach. Hyuk smiled, and thought, if things were different, Hyuk would rub him there too.

But he didn’t want to get into this with Taekwoon.

He tried to change the subject.

“It’s a song-writing thing. Speaking of which, have you even listened to my single?

“It’s pretty. Your songs are so very pretty, Hyoggie,” Taekwoon said, making Hyuk’s heart skittish. “I listened to them again when I was home for New Year. What made you think of the seasons?”

Hyuk shrugged.

“I needed a reason to put out a song every three months,” he said. Taekwoon laughed.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Wonsik,” he said, his finger tracing over the lettering on the cover. “I like the new song. What is it about?”

“I guess, past regrets. Moving on, being okay with just having a friend there for you. Being the friend.”

“Why Winter Butterfly? Why not winter moon or winter stars?” he asked, his eyes seeming to glaze over.

Hyuk cleared his throat. How was he going to say this without all those things he was trying to keep inside, spilling through some tear in his being, and flooding out into the world, where Taekwoon would see?

“It’s pretty. It’s delicate. But it lives. The winter doesn’t destroy it.”

Taekwoon nodded, understanding straight away. He looked up at Hyuk, his eyes gentle and marvelling.

“Whoever you wrote this song for, what a world of love they would feel,” he said, smiling. “It’s beautiful-“

He stopped when he saw Hyuk turn away, and could see that he was swallowing roughly.

Taekwoon was perplexed, and intrigued. Whatever was on Hyuk’s mind, it was intense and wreaking havoc on his usual composure.

He tried to continue talking casually, as if he hadn’t noticed Hyuk’s discomfiture.

“I can’t believe you would have any problems with song-writing. Tell me about it,” he asked, as casually as he could.

Hyuk answered with a distracted hum.

“Sorry, what, Hyung?”

“The dilemma you were talking about. You’re writing a song.”

“Oh,” Hyuk seemed to be scrambling for something to say.

“Tell me what the problem is.”

“Well… I just…” Hyuk seemed to shake himself out of a reverie, searching for words. “I don’t know how to resolve it. What to say.”

“I’m good with lyrics. Tell me.”

“Well… in the song, I am singing about someone, I’m thinking about them. I want to confess, but I have worked myself into a corner with secrets, false pretences.”

“Oh, like a secret identity? A lie.”

“Not really. I mean…what should I do, if the person likes me back, but not in the same way as I like them. But they don’t know I like them in other ways because I haven’t wanted to spoil what we have. But now I- I guess, it is getting too much, like it’s gonna destroy me… so now…”

“Ohh, you need to get over yourself to reach out to them,” Taekwoon said, knowingly.

Hyuk was surprised to hear it put that way. He supposed, yes, the dilemma was such that he was his own obstacle to his progress. Well, also, because he was still uncertain even about the goal.

“So, is it a confession? A testing of the waters?” Taekwoon sensed that Hyuk was making something up to talk about, and that his distraction wasn’t really because of some song - but he wanted to play along, in order to get Hyuk talking.

Hyuk laughed, a little nervously. He thought to himself, that their conversation about his supposed song was really, about this very conversation, about these very two people.

“A testing of the waters would be the right way to put it.”

“And is the other person a girl you’re close to?”

Hyuk stilled, wondering why this question seemed so loaded, yet so thoughtless, to him. Did Taekwoon not know him at all?

“Would it matter if it’s a girl?” he asked, feeling a little defensive.

Taekwoon seemed intrigued by his reaction, but answered quickly.

“Of course not. But it’s a song for release, so I presumed that was your demographic. Also, from a writer’s point of view, you may not speak to a girl the way you might speak to a boy in the same circumstances.”

Hyuk nodded, averting his eyes. Whilst he didn’t agree with that in general, he supposed that could be true for some -but then he suspected that Taekwoon was trying to cover any unintended gaffe with this rationale, to gently assuage him that Taekwoon’s presumption that his song was about a girl was not the same as any associated presumption about Hyuk’s preference in real life.

“So are you singing specifically to a boy, or are you just being nonspecific?”

“What’s this got to do with the song?”

“Nothing. We’ve changed the subject now. I want to know what it’s got to do with Hyoggie,” Taekwoon said, and Hyuk couldn’t stop himself from looking into Taekwoon’s eyes, knowing that there was a depth of feeling behind them that would be open to Taekwoon. Taekwoon saw it, and sighed.

“Aww. Is it really such a fearful thing to admit to, here, with me?” he said, earnest concern in his eyes.

Hyuk was surprised. He supposed really didn’t know what Taekwoon would think about this incidental revelation of his interest in men. To be more accurate, he had an interest in Taekwoon - but they were not going to explore that if he could help it. Plus although technically, interest was the word, what he had was much, much more than that.

“When it comes to you, Hyoggie, you can do no wrong in my eyes. I will always love you. Don’t you know that?” Taekwoon said, a sad smile tingeing the look in his eye.

Hyuk felt that familiar welling in his chest, which he feared, at this moment in their conversation, could well break the dam in his feelings.

He turned to face Taekwoon, and was surprised to see Taekwoon lift himself up to face him better too, sliding his feet off his lap and resting one foot on the floor.

“Do no wrong? Nothing at all, Hyung?” he asked, trepidation in his voice.

“Of course not. People fall in love with people. And if you were in love with someone, what could be more beautiful than that? Nothing about it would make you seem unloveable. What could you possibly do that could change my mind?” Taekwoon asked.

_I could tell you I am in love with you._

Taekwoon went to touch his shoulder, and Hyuk reached up and caught him by the wrist. Taekwoon smiled, thinking he was trying to evade his reach. But his smile turned to surprise when Hyuk didn’t let go.

The smile faded from his eyes as Hyuk looked into them, serious.

“I don’t think you want to know,” he murmured, sadness in his eyes.

Taekwoon wondered if this was something he should be concerned about. Perhaps Hyuk felt he was bad. Perhaps he felt he was not good enough. Whatever it was, Taekwoon did not want him to feel alone with his self-doubts.

“Are you sure? You can tell me. I think I can handle it,” Taekwoon said.

Hyuk looked at him withsuch a look of despondence in his eyes that he felt his heart lurch. What could possibly be making Hyuk so certain that what was on his mind would make Taekwoon think of him any less?

“Do you want me to show you?” Hyuk asked, just a tiny bit breathless. Taekwoon, sensing something momentous in this revelation, was hushed, curious. He could laugh it off, because it sounded vaguely threatening, but he didn’t. His eyes darted as he looked into Hyuk’s eyes, looking for some hint as to what it might be. Hyuk just gazed back, waiting, intense.

“Show me?”

“What I might do that could make you change your mind about me.”

“Yeah,” Taekwoon said simply, trusting that there really was nothing that Hyuk could do that would convince him that Hyuk was unloveable.

Hyuk’s grip on his wrist gentled, but he didn’t let go as he shifted his weight and turned to Taekwoon, slowly, purposefully, leaning towards him and turning his head as he brought his lips towards his.

Taekwoon watched, curious until the last moment when it became obvious, inevitable, what Hyuk was about to do, and then he gasped in comprehension, but he didn’t stop him, and Hyuk was gratified to see him close his eyes just before their lips touched - and when Hyuk at last kissed him, Taekwoon kissed him back, opening his mouth to taste.

Hyuk gave a strangled gasp, years of restraint and control and hiding, undone, as he felt his breath quicken, his heart in his throat, and the rising sob in his chest welling up and out of him. He released Taekwoon’s mouth with a wet groan, leaning his forehead against his as he did, his eyes shut tightly and his brow knitted with regret.

Taekwoon, surprised but not shocked or revulsed or offended, could sense Hyuk’s threshold for intensity was being crossed. He realised that for Hyuk, some sort of control was unravelling, like a long-held breath about to explode out of his chest. He knew that the way he reacted now could change things between them for better or worse. He examined his thoughts closely so that whatever he decided to do, it would be from truth, from something that he could stand by if he ever needed to square it with Hyuk.

He was surprised, yes. He never would have thought it.

He was alarmed that Hyuk’s dilemma was about how much of himself he was risking to confess, and how much he was risking with regard to their friendship - alarmed that if Taekwoon had had no sense in him, he could have easily destroyed Hyuk’s vulnerability with an offhand remark, with some flippant attitude. He was grateful that Hyuk had done this in such a way that Taekwoon was prepared to meet his earnest advance with his own sincerity.

But for Taekwoon, the real truth was that Hyuk’s kiss had burned on his lips, and he found his body awakening with the heat of desire.

“Hyoggie,” he whispered, making Hyuk look up at him, his eyes hooded with lust, but perhaps tinged with dread.

“What else would change my mind?” Taekwoon waited for Hyuk to process the meaning behind his question, and he gasped, relief and wonder washing over his expression as he smiled, shyly.

“Seriously, I’m not squeamish about anything,” Taekwoon joked softly. Hyuk giggled a little, and the sound of it pleased Taekwoon, as it always did.

Taekwoon leaned forward tentatively, waiting to see if Hyuk was okay with it, then kissed him, sighing with pleasure. Hyuk closed his eyes, kissing him back hungrily, soft moans in the back of his throat. Taekwoon felt Hyuk’s hands envelop him, large and warm and flat against his back, so that it was as if he was holding Taekwoon’s body close to his chest.

He felt Hyuk’s kisses turn urgent, and Taekwoon leaned back so that Hyuk followed him til he lay over him, then he pulled on Hyuk’s hips to press him flush against his own. He could feel his erection, and as he moved, realised that Hyuk’s size was as prodigious as his height. Taekwoon’s eyes fluttered open as he felt a stab of lust make him go hard, and he sighed as he ground his cock up against Hyuk’s.

He slipped his hand between them and palmed Hyuk’s length through the soft fabric of his sweatpants. Hyuk shuddered, bucking into his grasp, a little noise of surprise and want escaping his lips.

“Hyoggie, Hyoggie,” Taekwoon breathed, his voice yearning, his hand beginning to stroke Hyuk’s length.

“Tell me what you want, my beautiful Hyoggie,” he moaned. He felt Hyuk suddenly bury his face into his shoulder, and go still for a moment, pressing himself against the length of Taekwoon’s body so that he was forced to stop stroking his dick. Was he holding his breath?

“Don’t be shy, we’re past that now,” he teased, and was surprised to find Hyuk was shaking his head. He pulled back, pushing on Hyuk so that he could look at him. Was he reddening?

“I- I just want to make you feel good,” he stuttered, looking embarrassed.

Taekwoon nodded, wondering why that would give him pause.

“And you’re worried you don’t know how?” Taekwoon asked gently. Hyuk tucked his nose into the crook of Taekwoon’s shoulder again, letting out a deep breath.

“I’ll tell you what I like, but it seems like you’re a little shy about these things,” Taekwoon whispered. Hyuk gasped, perhaps a little shocked, perhaps tickled, perhaps turned on. Taekwoon couldn’t tell.

“What do you want, little Hyoggie?” he asked, softly, into his ear.

“Aw, don’t call me that,” he heard Hyuk mumble against his neck, his hand stroking softly up and down Taekwoon’s side, finally reaching up to his neck, and into the hair at his nape. Taekwoon felt Hyuk’s thumb stroke softly at his cheek.

Taekwoon, having worked through his surprise, having geared himself up to meet their desire head on, was charmed by Hyuk’s sudden reticence. Was he uncertain of what to do? Surely Hyuk had had some experience.

“You’ll always be my little Hyoggie to me,” he said, gently.

“But.. then I can’t be more than that to you, if that is all you think of me as,” Hyuk murmured, lifting his head and looking at Taekwoon darkly, almost defiantly.

Taekwoon suddenly understood, suddenly saw what this meant to Hyuk. He wanted to be more for Taekwoon. Because he was in love.

And though it had never crossed his mind of the possibility, Taekwoon now saw that possibility between them that extended before him like a beautiful open road. And while he realised that Hyuk wanted to be more to him than a favourite kid, he still knew that he had to tread carefully with how he treated him in this moment.

Taekwoon believed that the gentlest way to handle a sensitive heart that hid itself, was to ignore that it was sensitive, and ignore that it was hiding, and act like it was already worthy. This was how he grew out of his own selfconsciousness. People around him accepted him, didn’t point out what he saw was his fragility.

So, instead of countering Hyuk’s defiance, he continued with the matter at hand.

“How do you want to show me, Hyoggie? I know you like kissing. Kissing me. I like it too. I’ll take more of it, if that’s all you want to do. We can move on to kissing other places-“

“I know what to do,” Hyuk pulled back, looking down at him indignantly for a moment, before his jaw slackened as his movement made his cock rub hard against Taekwoon’s. His eyes fell to his hand on his cheek, and they fluttered almost shut for a moment as he watched himself stroking Taekwoon’s skin.

“Show me,” Taekwoon breathed, arching his back to grind back against him. The give of flesh against flesh made their rubbing even more pleasurable. “Don’t hold back.”

Hyuk’s eyes fell to his lips as he spoke, and he seemed to fall almost into a stupor as he stared at them.

Hyuk’s hips started grinding back, and Taekwoon let him set the pace. He saw that Hyuk was fixated on his mouth, and supposed that he was dry from panting, so he licked his lips. Hyuk sighed, his frown soft as he blinked. Suddenly he rose up, put his weight on his hands as he looked down on Taekwoon, still grinding his hips slowly into his groin.

“Hyung… I’ve thought about this for so long,” Hyuk said, his voice soft, his mouth slack as he felt pre-come wetting his cock inside his pants.

Taekwoon stared at him as Hyuk raised his hand to his cheek again, his thumb sliding over his lips. He was surprised, expecting that Hyuk, so large, so strong, might have wanted something less… gentle or caring.

Taekwoon gasped, as it hit him that there was something deeper, something more than physical, something very, very sensual, perhaps reverent, about the way Hyuk was looking at him, there where his thumb stroked over his bottom lip, watching how Taekwoon’s mouth hung open with his gasp, how his tongue glistened just inside.

Taekwoon arched his neck, and as he opened his mouth a little more, his tongue slid under the tip of Hyuk’s thumb, and he curled it round so that he licked under and up the side of it, then slipped it into his mouth and sucked, his eyes closing as the feel of Hyuk’s thumb inside it made his mouth water, and the gentle sucking action awakened such a feeling of comfort and eroticism all tied up together, that he felt the muscles in his groin contract, triggering a wave of pleasure that radiated outwards and up into his belly. He couldn’t help himself, he moaned with a deep satisfaction as he rolled his hips slowly.

Without thinking, he reached down into his pants to stroke himself, which made Hyuk whimper as he stared down at his hand working itself under the waistband of his jeans to do it.

Hyuk’s fingers gripped his cheek, and Taekwoon was overcome by how erotic and hot this little action was for him, how sharply his own pleasure spiked as he loosened his fly to free his cock and tugged on the tip of it softly, matching his movements with the gentle, persistent sucking of his tongue. When he opened his eyes, wanting to show Hyuk how his lust was affecting him, he was shocked to see a look of pained desire hardening the softness in Hyuk’s eyes as he watched Taekwoon pleasuring himself.

He could see Hyuk was affected, and saw himself through those eyes.

Hyuk was coming undone over Taekwoon suckling on him sweetly, stroking himself indulgently - and there was a desperation in his face as he angled himself from below and thrust hard against him through his pants, right there where, if there were no clothes between them, he would have filled Taekwoon’s ready ass with that beautiful, big cock.

Taekwoon felt as if each of their pleasures were mirroring each other, reflecting and amplifying and intensifying, in acute and sudden synchronisation, and it was all to do with the idea that Taekwoon derived incredible pleasure from this small point of erotic contact, which in turn made Hyuk so turned on he was losing control.

Hyuk was bucking up into him, making sweet sounds as he watched Taekwoon slurping gently on his thumb, watched his long fingers stroking himself lightly, watched his neck as he arched with pleasure.

Taekwoon sensed that at the edges of his own lust, his orgasm was ready to come crashing if he stopped thinking, stopped trying, and it astounded him that this could be so when they had barely even started.

“Hyoggie,” he gasped, hearing something urgent in his own voice as Hyuk’s thumb slipped from his mouth and he braced himself on both hands to get better leverage to thrust against him.

Taekwoon let go of himself, and his hands reached up the small of Hyuk’s back, delighting in feeling those muscles working as he ground into him hard and fast. Hyuk was on the edge and Taekwoon could tell he was close to the point of no return - he was fucking him, dry, too far gone to care.

“Fuck, baby, come for me,” he whispered harshly.

Hyuk’s eyes widened, as if in surprise to realise that his orgasm was upon him, and then he was coming in his pants, the sensation dirty and hot, his mouth strained as his eyes rolled shut and he cried out, his voice a plea as he moaned over and over, his frown soft and fading as he finally slowed, swallowing hard, breathing deep.

His body was shuddering with the intensity of his orgasm, and he was softly groaning, almost in shock, his body heaving with each breath, his head bowed as he tried to stay up on his hands. But his climax had taken the strength out of him, and he collapsed over Taekwoon, his arms sliding under his back as he clutched his body to him tight. As he came down, his body undulated softly against Taekwoon’s and his groans petered out into quiet, breathy moans.

Fuck, but Taekwoon was utterly aroused, and utterly charmed. Aroused by Hyuk’s explosive orgasm and soft, sobbing noises, and charmed by how the deadweight of his body pinned him tight against the sofa, and how his whole body seemed to cocoon him as he moved. He could feel Hyuk’s cock, still hard, sliding against his own hardness. He arched his back, then rolled his hips so that he could feel it harder.

“I… I’m sorry-“ Hyuk finally whispered - but Taekwoon was not done, and grabbed Hyuk’s head with both hands to kiss him ravenously, so completely aroused he was, seeing Hyuk coming undone despite himself.

Taekwoon was groaning, his tongue laving Hyuk’s slack mouth, and in a moment of physical desperation, he bit his tongue, hard enough to make Hyuk’s eyes flutter open in surprise, and a flash of anger.

The anger disappeared instantly, when he saw that Taekwoon was gasping, rutting against Hyuk’s heavy body desperately.

“Hyoggie please,” he moaned breathlessly, the lust like electricity crackling over his skin and sending jerks of pleasure throughout his body as his head thrashed against the cushion before he exposed one side of his neck to Hyuk, who leaned down and licked his skin there before sucking it hard until Taekwoon whined a soft plea.

“Make me come, Hyoggie. Make me scream.”

Hyuk could have crowed, seeing Taekwoon going mad with need under him like this. His initial embarrassment at having come so quickly in his pants, barely moments after Taekwoon had moaned with his thumb in his mouth, was forgotten quickly as those same feelings that inspired his orgasm resurged.

Hyuk realised that he derived almost instant gratification just from seeing Taekwoon looking at him with desire. And despite the fact that he had basically dry-humped his way to orgasm over Taekwoon’s body, Taekwoon was going crazy with need for him.

He stared down at the red mark he had left on Taekwoon’s neck, and leaned down to reverently kiss it at its edges, licking and then sucking as he kissed. Taekwoon’s hands were running gently up and down his back, but he could feel a rising urgency in the way they passed down to his ass, kneading and pulling on his flesh, and fluttering over his body as if he couldn’t get enough.

“Please, don’t leave me like this… I need… Oh fuck, touch me, Hyoggie. Please!” Taekwoon sobbed, and Hyuk sat up suddenly, bringing Taekwoon upright easily, and turning him as if he were a ragdoll.

He sat back, his crotch a sticky mess in his pants, and let Taekwoon’s ass slide in place over his groin, one arm holding him tight across his middle as he used the other to reach in front and pull impatiently at Taekwoon’s open pants.

“Get these off,” he growled into Taekwoon’s ear, and he complied immediately, bracing his feet on the floor so he could lift his pelvis up enough to slide them off onto the floor with his underwear, to reveal his swollen cock, red at the tip and weeping. Hyuk groaned, his chest resonating with the sound, against Taekwoon’s back.

Taekwoon leaned right back against Hyuk, whose arms had snaked around him tighter, the one holding him fast at his waist, and the other crossing his chest so that he could hold the opposite shoulder from across his diagonally, in a vice-like grip. He leaned his head back against one shoulder, turning so that he could kiss him.

But Hyuk caught the tip of Taekwoon’s earlobe between his lips, and licked and sucked crudely at him as he mumbled harshly through his kisses.

“You want me to touch you, Hyung?” he asked, and to his pleasure, Taekwoon lifted his feet up onto the edge of the sofa, planting them so that his legs opened wide and he leaned his back closer, tighter, into Hyuk’s embrace. With Hyuk holding him already, all he needed to do was reach down between Taekwoon’s legs to grab his cock. Taekwoon reached both arms up, behind both their heads, and threaded his fingers through Hyuk’s hair, making sure his arms were out of the way, that he could hold on, and that Hyuk had all access, and all control.

Hyuk let his hand fall down between Taekoon’s legs to cup his swollen cock, his hand completely engulfing him. Taekwoon sighed, his hips rolling slowly, Taekwoon’s head fell back onto his shoulder, and he turned his head to suckle softly against the skin. He moaned, contentedly, sweetly, his breath warm against Hyuk’s ear, as he rolled his hips lewdly.

Hyuk’s heart skipped a beat. More of Taekwoon’s unbridled desire for Hyuk to give him pleasure. To show him how far he could go to change his mind.

Hyuk thought, Taekwoon loved to use his mouth, loved to suck, loved to taste. He couldn’t wait to see if that love extended to sucking cock, and he found himself hard again, his length rubbing deep along the line of Taekwoon’s crack. What he would give to see Taekwoon take his cock in his mouth and attend to him sweetly till he emptied himself onto his tongue.

Hyuk lifted his hand to his mouth and licked wetly up his palm and fingers, then he grasped Taekwoon’s cock firmly, and as he slid up to the tip, let his fist open into a two-fingered grip on the underside of the head, then started jerking him with a firm but delicate hold, just there, under the head.

Taekwoon moaned so hard his chest rose up as he arched, his body rolling as he tried to fuck up into Hyuk’s hand, wanting more than that pinpoint of pleasure, wanting to sheath his cock in that strong, large fist.

Hyuk shifted a little, turning to look at Taekwoon as his head fell back and a tight frown creased his brow.

He knew he was giving him just a little, enough that the pleasure was there, but that the experience was fraught with frustration - and he wanted to see Taekwoon delight in being given more. With his other hand, he reached up and thumbed his nipple, and was gratified to see Taekwoon jump with the sensation, then moan deeply, his mouth falling open as the pleasure made him harder.

It still wasn’t enough, Hyuk was sure. He pondered on what he could do next to heighten Taekwoon’s pleasure, just one little bit more.

He licked at Taekwoon’s jaw, and, like a kitten to milk, Taekwoon turned to seek out that delightful source, and Hyuk found himself being kissed and mouthed at like he was sustenance itself. He could hear Taekwoon swallowing as he moaned, his body constantly moving, responding to Hyuk’s attentions as he tugged and rubbed at his cock and nipple.

But he knew, it still wasn’t enough. He knew that Taekwoon was already on the verge of orgasm before they had switched positions, and that this was not it for him.

He lifted his hand off Taekwoon’s cock to lick it again, much to Taekwoon’s dismay, who almost whined as his pelvis ground into the air, then fell back in frustration.

“Hyoggie, Hyoggie, please... Talk to me. Tell me what you want to do to me,” he sobbed, the veins in his neck straining as he arched. Hyuk gasped. He didn’t know how dirty talk would work here if all he had ever fantasised about was Taekwoon doing things to him sweetly.

He decided that all Taekwoon needed was to hear his intent.

“I want to fuck your ass,” he gritted out hard, a loud whisper in Taekwoon’s ear.

Taekwoon groaned, and his hands gripped at Hyuk’s hair hard, bringing his legs together as he arched, fittinghis ass against Hyuk’s cock and rolling it there.

“Yes, fuck! Yes!” he moaned. Hyuk pulled his leg open, then spat on his hand for good measure, and reached for Taekwoon’s cock to fist it tight.

It was like he had grounded all that nervous, frustrated energy in him, Taekwoon immediately moaned with pleasure, and started fucking his fist gently, sighing with relief. The satisfaction in having Hyuk’s warm, wet hand around his dick was palpable, and his fingers gripped Hyuk’s hair as he bucked his hips.

“I want to fuck your sweet mouth, make you drink my come,” he ground out against Taekwoon’s cheek, and he felt Taekwoon’s tongue snake out to kiss him lewdly, all the while making sounds that were driving Hyuk wild. Hyuk realised Taekwoon’s precome was enough to lubricate his whole shaft, and when Taekwoon felt the warm fluid slick up his cock inside Hyuk’s hot fist, he started coming.

“Ohh, ohh, fuck, Hyoggie. FFUUCKK!” Taekwoon whispered, as he fucked up hard and fast into Hyuk’s fist, his mouth a grimace as he moaned, a strained, strangled sound that escalated into a breathy wail. Hyuk watched as Taekwoon’s come spurted thick into his hand, sensitising his Hyung’s cock even more, and drawing out his orgasm with the intense sensations of pressure, heat and liquid.

Then Taekwoon was spent, his arms falling away from his grip on Hyuk’s hair, his body going completely still except for his groaning breaths, and his cock twitching in his grasp. He kept his hand still, not wanting to disturb Taekwoon’s obvious, deep satisfaction.

“Was it good?” he whispered, stirring Taekwoon from his stillness.

Taekwoon nodded, his eyes closed, his mouth slack, and he slowly rolled his hips so that he could fuck gently up into Hyuk’s hand. He whimpered, then shuddered, and finally moaned in satisfaction.

Hyuk released him, not knowing what to do with the come on his hand, but then Taekwoon turned, adjusting himself so that he was laying on his side a little, facing Hyuk and leaning against the backrest of the sofa.

He looked at the mess between them and then up into Hyuk’s eyes, as he gently placed a hand on Hyuk’s crotch, feeling his hardness under the cloth of his pants. Hyuk’s eyes fluttered closed as he hissed with the sensation.

“We made a mess, Hyoggie. Shall we go clean up?” he murmured, a small smile on his lips.

Hyuk, his eyes still closed, nodded. Then he opened them and looked at Taekwoon, a little trepidation in his expression.

Taekwoon got up, holding out a hand for Hyuk as he followed, and then let Hyuk lead him into the bedroom ensuite.

There, Taekwoon took off his shirt, then turned to undress Hyuk.

“I can do it-“

“But I like it,” Taekwon said, untying the string on his sweatpants and pulling it down carefully, his eyes widening at the sight of Hyuk’s still-erect cock, covered in his own drying come.

He gave a little purr of satisfaction as he lifted Hyuk’s top off, letting him step into the large shower stall. Hyuk didn’t have a bath, and having a larger stall made sense, since there was probably no bath that would fit him anyway. For that, Taekwoon was grateful, because they were going to need the space.

He let Hyuk get the water running and adjusting the temperature, and looked around to find that he had body wash and nothing else. He never seemed more boy to Taekwoon than now, and it made him smile.

“Let me,” Taekwoon said, lathering up a dollop of body wash in his hands and stepping around Hyuk to smooth them across the broad expanse of his shoulders. He washed him with long, firm strokes, up and down his neck, shoulders and back, under his arms and along the length of them, reaching forward across his chest and letting his fingers run across both nipples as he drew his hands back again.

Hyuk shuddered, gasping.

Then Taekwoon lathered up the small of his back, smoothing round the front across Hyuk’s flat stomach, making large symmetrical circles on either side of his belly button, moving his hands outwards as he washed the same way over his hips and round the back to the mounds of his ass. Then, he leaned forward and slid one hand down into Hyuk’s crotch, soaping his balls and bringing his hand up his shaft, his long fingers creating a ridged ring, tightening as it travelled up, making Hyuk’s torso contract, one hand scrambling to hold on Taekwoon’s arm as the other came up to brace himself on the wall. Taekwoon’s other hand continued to stroke the flesh of Hyuk’s ass, and Taekwoon leaned his cheek against Hyuk’s shoulder as he murmured something.

“Huh?” Hyuk sighed softly, his senses focused on the grip of Taekwoon’s sliding fingers round his dick.

“I said, what would take your beautiful cock better, my mouth, or my ass?” Taekwoon said quietly, slipping his other fingers into Hyuk’s crack, and delving the tips oftwo of them into his hole.

Hyuk cried out, Taekwoon's lewd words and pure sensation making his body wrack with pleasure.

Taekwoon stroked him hard for a few more moments, letting water wash away the suds as he withdrew his fingers from inside his hole and came around to the the front to face Hyuk.

Hyuk was breathless, his wet hair dripping water into his reddened eyes, his mouth glistening pink.

His gaze was unfocused as he tried to catch his breath.

“Look at me,” Taekwoon said clearly, and his eyes snapped into focus as he did.

“How long?” he murmured. Hyuk dropped his gaze.

Taekwoon stepped closer, running his hands round the small of Hyuk’s back and pulling him close. Hyuk bowed his head as Taekwoon tipped his own a little so he could watch the water running off Hyuk’s pretty, long lashes.

“How long, sweet Hyoggie?”

“Since the beginning,” Hyuk muttered, unable to look up. Taekwoon sighed, thinking of how he might have said the wrong things so many times, said things thoughtlessly, jokingly, unknowingly. How Hyuk might have borne hurts that he had been unaware that he had inflicted.

“What stopped you from saying anything?” Taekwoon asked, bringing his hands up around Hyuk’s neck, bringing them even closer, so that he could trail small little kisses under Hyuk’s jawline.

Hyuk’s hands came tight around his body as he whispered, “I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.”

“But you know I liked you already,” Taekwoon said, his mouth closing warmly over Hyuk’s, his tongue soft and hot as he lapped gently into Hyuk’s kiss. Hyuk moaned, kissing him back fervently.

Taekwoon pulled back a little to murmur against his lips, “Didn’t you know that I liked you already?”

Hyuk nodded, humming.

“Did you think of me?” Taekwoon asked, pulling closer and mouthing at the pulse in Hyuk’s neck.

Hyuk was silent, and Taekwoon took it as a yes.

“Did you think of fucking me, did you make yourself come thinking of me?”

Hyuk made a noise that made Taekwoon’s lust spike. Taekwoon ground his cock against Hyuk’s, nosing up his neck til he found his earlobe and took it in his mouth in a lusty suck.

“In your mind did you hold me tight on the sofa and torture me with your hands and mouth and make me come til I screamed?”

Hyuk gasped, his cock jerking between them. “Fuck, Hyung, you’re so dirty,” he muttered, making Taekwoon smirk. Hyuk didn’t know what dirty was, if that simple scenario was enough to make him think so.

Plus, Taekwoon was sure Hyuk liked dirty, he just didn’t know it yet.

Then he realised, it wasn’t about the act for Hyuk, it was about the exchange. It was enough for Hyuk to have Taekwoon want him, which was probably why the fantasy that he had acted out on the couch was little more than having Taekwoon fellate his finger.

“Well, one thing is for sure, little Hyoggie, I am now very certain that there is nothing that you could do to change my mind about you,” he said, putting a finger under Hyuk’s chin and lifting it til Hyuk looked him in the eye. He was pleased to see relief and happiness there, along with desire.

“In fact, the more you try to prove me wrong, the better,” he smiled.

Then he slid to his knees and took Hyuk’s dick in his mouth, satisfied to see Hyuk lose it as he stretched his lips to fit him in tight.

**

Taekwoon woke to find Hyuk deep in slumber, his drying hair fluffy and sticking up, his heavy arm and leg thrown over Taekwoon’s body.

They had made it to the bedroom after Hyuk had come in his mouth, his hips pumping so hard Taekwoon had gagged, which had pretty much horrified Hyuk. His expression was forlorn as he watched Taekwoon swallow his come and lick his lips.

“Still haven’t changed my mind,” Taekwoon had said, standing and holding Hyuk as he swayed gently under the water. Hyuk seemed relieved, which amused Taekwoon.

When they got to the bed, Hyuk had passed out, and Taekwoon had spent a few moments fondly stroking the hair off his face as he watched him sleep.

Now it was morning, and he guessed that Hyuk had things to do, so he rolled himself into Hyuk’s embrace, tucking his arms in between them as he reached his head up to kiss his mouth.

Hyuk stirred, and kissed him back, a soft sigh escaping his lips. His cock sprang to life, and Taekwoon was reminded that he had not actually had the pleasure of being fucked with it. He would make sure that that would happen, but for now, they needed to get ready.

“Time to wake up,” Taekwoon mumbled, and Hyuk nodded as he kept on kissing him. His hand, still heavy from slumber, and hot, slid down to Taekwoon’s ass where he kneaded him appreciatively. Then he grabbed his thigh, lifting it til he bent his leg over Hyuk’s body, giving Hyuk space to grind his hips into Taekwoon’s crotch.

“No time,” Taekwoon said, and Hyuk whined as he broke their kiss, tucked his head into Taekwoon’s shoulder, and stopped moving.

“Hyung, you sure I didn’t hurt you?” he heard him say.

Taekwoon laughed.

“Why aren’t you this concerned and polite in front of others?” he teased. Hyuk giggled, and they squeezed each other tight.

“I’m serious. I like it like that. I want it hard. I want your cock, Hyuk, and you’re not going to hold back when you give it to me,” Taekwoon whispered, and he heard Hyuk gasp and clutch him tighter.

“We can do it now,” Hyuk pined, but Taekwoon shook his head.

He didn’t mind making Hyuk wait. He had other thoughts on his mind that he wanted clarity for.

“About the thumb-sucking…” he began, and he heard Hyuk giggle.

“What’s that all about?”

Hyuk leaned back, hiding his face in the crook of his elbow as he turned away, his smiles telling Taekwoon that he was embarrassed by it.

“I wish I had never said anything,” he said.

“Why? I love it. I liked making you feel good,” Taekwoon said, noticing that Hyuk’s cock was wet at the head already. 

Hyuk’s voice was husky as the smile faded from his lips. His face still hidden under his arm, he murmured, “That was it. You liked making me feel good.”

Taekwoon got up on one elbow.

“Did I always treat you so bad that me treating you nicely became some kind of turn on for you?” he was joking, but he realised that it was possible that that was true. He remembered how cold he could be, way back at the beginning.

Hyuk lifted his arm, worried.

“No, no, it wasn’t about you, Hyung. I knew you were good to me, almost from the start. No, it was about me being the one that could make you like that.”

Taekwoon was surprised by how easily Hyuk divulged that, seeing as how reticent he was about revealing so many things about himself and how he felt about Taekwoon.

Taekwoon felt soft and turned on all at the same time, and he kissed Hyuk with great feeling, only pulling back to catch his breath.

“Shall we have dinner here again later?” he asked, and Hyuk nodded.

They dragged themselves out of each other’s embrace, and Taekwoon showered quickly first.

When he left the bedroom to let Hyuk get ready, Taekwoon realised he had cleaned up outside while he was washing up.

He went over to pick up his wallet, and looked fondly at the Hyuk’s gift as he opened his wallet to slip it back into place.

Then he stopped, his finger running itself over the curves of it as it usually did.

He had never noticed it before, never really seen the detail in the filigree that suddenly made it clear to him what the trinket was. How had he never seen it? It seemed so obvious now, its shape two wings in mid-flight, the body of the creature slim and abstract, but undeniable.

It was a butterfly.


End file.
